A brief to do about me. I am coming from a place that had no hope, a dark soulless void where nothing good lived or could ever gain a foothold. It was a place once teaming with ideas, ambitions, desires for a magnificent future, it was limitless in its innocence. It what was once my mind before I discovered mind altering chemicals that would forever change and never return my complete self back to me. It was a road many have traveled, may have recovered and gone on to fulfill their life's dreams. Others, like me kept returning over and over never learning the simple lesson to know what it was that made me week and staying away from it, of knowing what kind of human being I was on both sides of the chaos and which one I needed to be. I turned a healthy fertile mind into burned out wasteland. That is until three years ago when the decision was made for me to step aside from the direction my life was headed and venture on into a new way of existing. I played the games of life with many guises all set up so I would be allowed to stay under the protection of whatever vice at that time I was enjoying or at least and at the very end kept me from thinking about life and my place in it, to be something to some yet the worst to others. Three years since I got arrested, placed in jail and set myself on a path to recover but never to return only to salvage. I know I will never be who I once was before, but I never wanted who I was, it was him who needed the hazed out mental state of oblivion, he was the one who chose ignorance instead of knowledge. The person I once was, was a sickness to all around him, and yet I am still me still that person only better off because I know in order to vindicate myself, I have to know him and know where I place my values comparatively to his. I have to juxtapose my actions to counter all that was destroyed in my finest hours of debasement.
This is yet another story of a drunk druggy addict coming to face the life never fully realized, only to use what years he has left to act in a constructive way and try and produce some positive outcomes in others' lives so that life was not fully wasted. I am here to give the best account of my mental states throughout my life, to be as honest with what motivated me and drove me on during those wasted years in hopes that any who so desire can use, in whatever way they choose, these words to help make better decisions for themselves. It's a story but it's my story and I feel what I have gone through could help others navigate a better course through life, I'm not trying to make decisions for others only throwing out information for others to use as they see fit. It's my mental state that matters the most through all this so that is what will be most predominately on display. I hope any who venture on through these writings will understand that it's the absolute truth at least as far as I can force myself to be, because just by saying it does not make it so. My view on this world is malleable it's still expanding with each new experience; perception is negotiable it's trying to find the best interpretation of it for me to call home.
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